Asmireen
©2024 by Jonathan Scott
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Chapter 9 - My Struggle - 3
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I once heard a great prophet of Papa Voice say that being unwilling to sin was a great freedom, but that being unable to sin was the greatest freedom of all. Some would argue the point, but for my own part, I agree.
I think back to the time before anyone else was here, the time when I was alone, and in all honesty, I miss it. There was just something about the absolute seclusion that was comforting. And also, because there was no one to interact with, ninety-nine percent of all of the sin that most people must choose to either commit or abstain from was unavailable to me. I was a mostly righteous man for thousands of years simply because I couldn't choose to be otherwise. And, being that I was a mostly righteous man, I could live free from the guilt, shame and unfortunate consequences just as other righteous men do. I had a clean conscience. I felt fully at peace day after day.
I miss it. I miss the peace.
Y'know, the other part about it I liked, being a mostly righteous man, I didn't have to deal with a constant bombardment of people reminding me of my unrighteousness. I didn't have the evil nods nor the feared filled faces looking at me all day long reminding me of my iniquities. I could live, day after day, and feel the absolute serenity that comes from righteousness, even though I myself am not that righteous, perhaps even not at all, or at least not in any way that matters.
But, my peace is gone now. My time of solitude and likeable loneliness is over. And in return, almost as a consolation prize, I am the ruler of all Hell.
After my first two consumptions, I kind of avoided the green circle of the lights for quite some time. I must admit that what they told me on that sign did shake me. I did feel embarrassed. I did feel ashamed.
Unfortunately, there just wasn't anything else available for me to do. So, for the next several months, I found myself pathetically standing about the Entry wondering how to deal with the eternity of emptiness that came to me day after day.
Before the lights had come, I would deal with the empty days, weeks, years, centuries and millennia by sitting down, and staring at the cold hard ground below me. I would sometimes watch it like one would watch TV on Earth. I understand that this sounds pathetic. But, please put yourself in my place before you judge me. My world was bleak. I only had the sky and the ground. There were no plants. No other people. No clouds. Nothing. Just the sky and the ground. There was nothing for me to do, and to be even more specific, there was not even anything for me to see, nor hear, nor touch, nor taste, nor smell, with the exception of one very small thing. I had one single solitary thing that could help me alleviate my sensory boredom. The ground was bumpy. It had a very attractive stony texture to it. That was all I had to look at. And so I did, for years and years at a time.
So, what I used to do was sit on the ground, pretty much all of the time, and look at this stony bumpy texture. I would often touch the ground with my fingertips and enjoy the complexity of it. I would sit for hours on end, and sometimes even days on end, forcing my eternal boredom to lose itself in the detail of the ground.
Now though, I had the Damned and I was no longer alone. I had other people to speak with and I had something else to look at. You would think I'd be happy about this, but in all honesty, I wasn't.
The Damned are noisy. All they do all day long is sit there and moan or cry or wail. They look as though they are in pain and the pain seems to never end. There is nothing about them that entertains me. I wish I did not have to hear them.
The noise.
It was just so hard for me to bear. I had lived for so long in such absolute solitude. Now, my world was filled with nothing but sickening and ugly noise. I just could not take it.
Have you ever done something that you knew was foolish, and all the while that you did it, you knew you were being foolish, but you did it anyway? I'm a little ashamed to admit it but that's what I did.
I actually tried once to politely ask the Damned to stop their screaming, their crying and their moaning.
I guess if I had been thinking better, I would have not bothered. People as a rule, prefer to not scream, cry or moan. Most people avoid screaming, crying and moaning as often as they can. Therefore, I should have deduced that they did not stop because they could not stop. But, as I said, I was being foolish.
I began to yell and scream at the Damned. I began to threaten them. And when this didn't work, I began to punch, kick and do many other things that were also foolish. You must realize how completely unpleasant their sounds were to me. I just could not tolerate them.
Eventually I did find out though that the Damned cannot end their pain. They never heal from the injury of consumption. And even if here, in this world, they are further injured, even to the point of seeming death, they will heal, but only to the point where they once again return to the wretchedness that they had before the injury. The Damned remained the Damned here and the pains of the Damned never end.
I had only one choice. I had to take them far away from me. I had to take them so far away that I would never be forced to hear them again.
So, I picked them up, one under each arm. At the slightest touch, they began to scream, cry, or moan, even louder, but this could not be helped. I had to remove these beings from my presence, which of course required temporary tolerance.
I walked with them for miles. I must have walked for at least two hours with them before I finally gave up and put them back down on the ground and returned to the Entry.
You must realize something. I live in a world of absolute silence. There are no trees. There are no buildings. There is no wind. There is no grass. All of the things that absorb sound and make it die do not exist here, therefore, although it is silent, when sound is introduced, the sound carries forever. When I finally returned to the Entry, I sat down on the ground in frustration. The sound of the two in despair was still as discernible as though they were still sitting right next to me. The sound had reduced, but not nearly as much as one would wish. And so, I tried again.
I returned to the Damned, picked them up, and once again carried them farther and farther from me. I ended up doing this several times before the volume was low enough that I could accept it. Eventually, I found that I had to carry them three full days away before the sound was acceptable. And even then, I could still hear them. But, the sound was finally low enough and my frustration was high enough that I chose to not take them any further.
I once again sat on the ground, naked, and began to wonder what I would do for the rest of eternity. It was different this time though. Before, it was silent. It was so silent, that it made it easy to pretend that time did not exist. I could sail through the hours with ease because there was nothing there to remind me that time existed.
Now that there were screams, and cries, and moans, I found that I was being constantly bombarded with the realization of time. I just could not live as effortlessly as I had previously.
For a while, I tolerated it. For a while, I was fine. I knew I would not last though. I knew that at some point, I would have to get up, and take the Damned even farther from me. But for a while, I tried my best to enjoy the near peace. But just when I was on the verge of giving up and returning to the Damned, I was rescued.
I was sitting there once again on the ground, looking at it and touching it with my fingertips as I often did, and then it happened. The thing that opened up my entire world to me finally happened.
There was a long scratch on the surface of the ground. In my entire existence here I had never seen anything in the ground but an unbroken bumpy texture. Seeing this new scratch was truly an odd experience for me. As I studied it, I began to notice other scratches as well.
I placed my fingertip on the scratch to feel it and then noticed my own fingernail. It was then that I realized that I had been the one to make the scratch.
You see, after my first two consumptions, my body had grown in size. I had grown stronger, while the Damned had grown weaker. That was not all though. My fingernails and my teeth had also grown to be longer and stronger as well. That also is not all. Two sharp bumps, horns, had grown from my forehead. These were all changes that took me a very long time to get used to. One of these changes though I actually have come to prefer.
As I touched the ground, my new longer and stronger fingernails actually managed to catch hold of and flick off a piece of it. I had tried for so long to dent the surface of this world, but couldn't. My nails were just too weak to affect it. Now though, I could.
I immediately began to claw at the ground all around me and to enjoy marking it. I actually laughed aloud.
I could change this world somehow now. I could scratch it.
I know that this sounds pathetic as well. But, you have to understand what this meant. I could change my world now! I could write and I could draw.
My first inclination was to try and draw my own circle such as the lights had. And so, I did. I placed my strong fingernail on the ground and began to draw. And, once the circle was complete, I sat and watched.
Nothing happened, but then again, nothing had happened immediately with the light's circle as well. So, I chose to be patient and to occupy myself with other things as I waited. I immediately became engrossed in projects of one type or another. Sometimes I would draw things that I remembered from the previous world. Sometimes I would write. I actually started a journal.
It was wonderful. My mind was released from its prison. I now had a means of self-expression and there was some contentment to it. I was happy.
After several days of waiting I grew to accept that the circle that I had drawn would remain nothing but a circle. No grass, and, of course, no trees grew within it. I didn't seem to mind though. I would have been surprised actually had my attempt been successful. So, I continued to draw and to write as the Damned distantly screamed, cried, and moaned in the background. I was so engrossed in my projects though, that I actually could not even hear them. I was happy.
And thus it was when I heard the next scream.
I looked up into the sky to see the body of a lightless man that was falling. I looked and wondered what the arrival of another person in my world would mean. I wasn't looking forward to it.
I wasn't lonely anymore. I had given up on trying to befriend anyone. I also had my projects to occupy my time now. I was content. I was actually even happy. This new arrival, would undoubtedly do nothing but further ruin the peace of my world. I was angry at the man before he even touched the ground.
When the man finally fell I simply walked to his remains and began to sketch a broad circle around where the pieces of him lay. This, from this day forward, would be the actual Entry. I would later spend hours and hours decorating this portion of my world with wonderfully intricate designs and sketches. It would now be possible for me to find this place over and over again with absolute accuracy. At least some good came from his arrival.
I sat and watched the man reform. I knew that I cared nothing for him. I knew that I would probably just consume him once he was once again whole. I didn't look forward to the three day walk to get rid of his remains, but knew that it would be probably unavoidable. So, I just waited.
And, then when the man finally stood up, I stood up as well. He then looked at me. I was an immense muscular giant now. My two consumptions had made me so. I was also silent. I chose to not waste my time on communication. Rather, I simply watched him and wondered what he would do.
He stared at me as I stared at him and then I could see him shake a little. I smiled at his fear.
"Where am I?" he asked feebly.
I stood for a moment and then made the decision to break my silence.
"This is Hell and I am Asmodeus." I replied.
And at this, he began to shake even more.
"What's going to happen to me?"
"I don't know. Who are you?" I then asked.
"My name is Wren."
"Do you know why you are here?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, why did you come to Hell rather than go to Heaven? What did you do in your lifetime that made Him hate you?"
"I don't know." he replied.
"Well, you must have done something? I personally was overly-ambitious. What was your weakness?"
He looked as if he knew. He also looked as if he didn't want to know. It was quite enjoyable to watch his agony. He was ashamed of his imperfections. In a way, he was like the Damned already. His ability to feel joy had been permanently impaired by his own shame and guilt. I had mostly rid myself of these nuisances long ago, but for Wren, he still had them. How pathetic.
I then realized something. Wren was quiet. Wren also did not use profanity. And most importantly, Wren was afraid of me. This meant that I could tolerate his existence and that I could also control him should the need arise. I began a debate within myself concerning his fate.
"Are we going to be friends?" he asked.
I stood there and was surprised at his question. I thought long and hard about it. I thought back to the thousands of years that I had been alone pathetically staring at dirt because there was nothing else available for me to do. I then remembered the lights I had so wished to be friends with who saw my misery and then pushed me away. I then remembered the painful vulgarity of the darks and the knowledge that if I were to have friends in this world, that they would be the sorts of friends that no one in his right mind would ever wish to have.
Friends? He wanted to be friends with me after all of that? How dare he.
I was angry.
I was angry at Papa Voice. I was angry at the lights. I was angry at the darks. I was angry at everything. Now, this worthless brand new fool thought that he could just jump into my life as a friend. How arrogant! He was arrogant enough to believe that somehow he could be my friend after all I had been through. He wanted to be friends with me!
HE WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME? How could someone dare offer me something that I had wanted so desperately after all that had happened? I spat on the ground. How could he offer it to me so freely after all I had been through? How could he assume such a great thing? I had longed for friendship for millennia. The lights had taught me to accept my loneliness and then the darks had taught me to prefer it. How dare this meaningless piece of insignificance offer me friendship?
I stood still, as cold and silent as a stone. And then I looked at him with my mouth grimaced into the widest, broadest and most menacing shape that I could contort it into.
"Friends? FRIENDS? YOU MEANINGLESS PIECE OF INSIGNIFICANCE!" I bellowed.
I then picked up his body and felt him squirm. I then began to bellow:
"YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?"
"DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?"
"NO!!!!!!!!!"
I attacked Wren. I attacked him with all the fury that was within me. Had we been mortals, Wren would have died a dozen times from the damage I inflicted on him, and I probably would have died as well from the collateral damage my own violence inflicted on myself. I sat down, and still my rage burned within me. Violence is not a cure for rage. It is only an expression of it. And on that day, I allowed my rage to scream.
I sat on the ground and wept. I wept until my broken body once again became whole. I then waited for Wren to reform as well. Wren finally stood up, saw me, and then began to run. I let him. He wasn't aware of it, of course, but, had he known all that I had been through up until this point and what I had been planning on doing to him, what I could have done to him, he would have realized something very important. He would have realized that he was not only my friend, but that he was now my best friend. I smiled at him slightly as he ran away in absolute fear. I never saw him again. I cared about him enough to give him that.
And then I heard the next scream.
I looked up to see the body of a man filled with light falling to the ground. I simply stepped to the side and waited.
The man soon met the ground. But, unlike the rest of us, he did not shatter. Instead he simply landed in a relatively painless way. He looked at me, lifted his nose in condescension, and then continued to look around. He seemed so proud of himself. All the lights seemed that way.
I had just been through seemingly infinite misery with Wren. Now though, to see this new shining fool once again so obviously shun me just as the other lights had seemed a little ridiculous. I assume that my misery simply had extended as far as misery could go. And now, in this place where I was, past misery, there was the ridiculous. And so, I chose to partake of it with enthusiasm.
"HOW DO YOU DO?!?" I said jokingly at the top of my voice.
"YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE HERE SOON. SO, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT ME AT ALL. I said again with a grin.
The man filled with light simply ignored me. I laughed at him.
I, then, became curious. Ridiculously curious. I was curious what would happen were I to consume him. This was actually quite a brave thought. It was the sort of brave thought that only the ridiculous can have. Had I been in my right mind, I doubt I would have tried what I tried. Papa Voice is powerful, and Papa Voice, if He does anything, protects His people. But, the possible benefits of consuming a light seemed so beneficial that I knew I had to try.
I jumped on the man. I punched him. I kicked him. And it was as though I was attacking granite. My fists blunted themselves on his flesh. My feet shattered on his shins. My teeth snapped on his neck. So, I soon gave up and sat back down on the ground and waited for my body to once again become whole. I stared at the man trying my best to intimidate him. The man simply glanced at me briefly and then went back to looking around. Papa Voice certainly did love His people.
Once I was whole again, I stood up and decided to experiment further.
I walked up to the light and put my hands in front of his face to block his vision. I screamed in his ears. I then spat on him. I was trying to understand to what extent I could interact with him. What I found was that the light seemed incapable of hearing my screams, which surprised me. No matter how loudly I screamed, the light seemed completely deaf to it. When lights and darks come into this world, we all knew about it by their screams. How was it that my screams into this person's ears did not affect him? I didn't know. Also, the spittle that I had spewed on him, seemed to not actually come into contact with him, but rather simply fell to the ground as if the surface of the man had been completely frictionless. It seemed that I was almost a ghost to this man. I could not hurt him in any way.
I did find out however that I could block his vision. When my hands would move in front of his eyes, he would constantly move his head in order to see. After several moments of blocking his vision though, the light became frustrated and punched me.
It was a casual punch, but nonetheless, with that one punch, the light knocked my heart from my body. I watched it as it bounced and skittered across the ground. I disapprovingly frowned at him and then sat down and waited for my body to reform again. And when I once again became whole, I returned to the light and intended to block his vision some more. But, unfortunately, there was another scream, and so my attention became diverted to it.
I looked up to see the body of another man falling to the ground. It was a dark. I smiled and waited.
The act of waiting for new arrivals to fall was very slowly becoming an enjoyable thing to me. Each new dark that fell brought with them the chance to interact, the chance to feed, the chance to grow, the chance to dominate and to instill fear. It was enjoyable.
When this new dark impacted with the ground and splattered just as the rest of us darks had done, I saw the light turn his head in horror. I laughed out loud at him.
The man slowly reformed and then stood. And so I began an experiment.
"Hey buddy! How are ya?" I said out loud.
"Pretty good! Where am I?" responded the new arrival with a smile.
"Well, welcome to Hell! My name is Asmodingus! Whatcha in for?" I responded.
"Whatcha mean?" he asked?
"I mean, what did you do? Why are you here and not in heaven?" I asked.
"Well, I don't know. I guess I maybe just, y'know, beat up one too many stinking grannies. I had to get my money somehow." he said with a laugh and a proud smile.
The light, then surprised me. Somehow, he had heard our conversation and walked away from us. He had heard us.
Soon, the two lights from the circle arrived running. As soon as they arrived though all three of the men, to my surprise, rose into the air and began to fly back to Heaven.
I and the new arrival watched them fly away in amazement. The lights were getting stronger.
I then began an intricate, furtive and profane interview of the dark that stood before me. I secretly stole as much information from him as I could. I desperately needed to know how and why a person changed after the consumption of another soul. I found out all about the man. The portion of his story that would later become the most meaningful was in how he chose to sin during his time in the previous world. I didn't know this at the time, but what I'll be happy to fill you in on now is that, depending on the type of sinner a person consumes, the different skill or ability the consumer receives. And, in the case of this man who now stood before me, he was a flyer, which meant that he had been the type to attack another, and then to steal from them and run. This meant, that his consumption would give one the ability to fly. I didn't know this then though. You can imagine my surprise when, after having consumed him, two wings sprouted from my back. I was quite happy about this change.
I eventually found out that there are thousands of different abilities that can be received through the consumption of another soul. I don't have time to go into too much detail concerning them, but perhaps I can mention a few.
Let's see... First of all, my horns, teeth and claws came from my first two consumptions. These men were, of course, fornicators. And as childish as it may sound, it would appear that consuming the "overly horny" makes one "overly horny."
On the other hand, consuming a "rager" (those who allow their anger to take control of them to the point of abuse) brings about some varied form of fire weapon. One type of rager gives you the ability to throw fire from your hands. Another allows you to breathe fire from your mouth. Another allows you to become completely enveloped in flame. I'll let you guess which types of ragers bring about the different types of weapons.
Another gift comes from the consumption of child molesters. Consuming one of these gives one the ability to bring anyone you touch to his knees from shame and guilt. It's powerful, although not particularly useful.
Consuming a "Scammer" (one who steals through deception) brings the ability to hypnotize. This also has its uses. Adulterers bring about a "Clone" ability (The ability to temporarily create a copy of yourself). And, interestingly, the cat burglars and pick pockets gave me the ability to become invisible.
Please remember though that these abilities are not available to the souls themselves. They are only available to the consumer of the soul. And interestingly enough, it appears that the greater the acuteness of the sinner's sins, the greater the ability received by the consumer. So, for example, in the case of bigotry, were one to consume a sinner who in his lifetime had only killed perhaps one or two others out of racial hatred, the ability received would be nothing compared to the immense talent received with the consumption of a Hitler. And, in fact, in the case of Hitler, I personally stood at the Entry with my mouth wide open when he came. I could never explain to you the absolute delight I felt as his being passed through me. The taste, something which I never before had paid any attention to, was purely exquisite. I now watch the news daily looking for people who can once again give me this joy. It is quite rare.
Which is my favorite gift? Well, actually there are two. Liars, as one would guess, gave one the ability to change shape. This is one of my favorite talents. I'm now very tall and very massive. Were I to go to Earth in my current shape, Papa Voice certainly would not allow it. It would remove people's need of faith. Therefore, when I do travel to Earth, I always assume forms that are much more commonplace. The liars gave me the ability to walk unnoticed amongst humanity again. So, perhaps, to them, I am the second most grateful.
The best gift of all though, the ability to return to Earth, I did not find for centuries. It is quite rare.
It happened on a day just like so many others. One of the interviewers that I had put in charge of speaking with the new arrivals had flown up to meet one as he was descending and began his survey. But, during the survey, the new arrival, from time to time, would blink on and off with light.
As I mentioned, all of the darks here have bodies that are dark. The darkness doesn't come from a color. Instead it comes from an actual lack of light. It's almost as if our bodies cannot reflect light well or something. I still do not understand why this is. Anyway, when one looks at one of us, it's as though we are in shadow.
The thing about this new arrival was that, occasionally, his body would blink. He wouldn't become as one of the lights, but rather, he would simply cease to be lightless. He would look as one would look back in the previous world. My interviewer immediately brought him to me and explained it all for which he was handsomely paid.
The dark stood before me. And just as the interviewer had said, occasionally his body would wink out of darkness.
So, I began to perform the interview myself. At first, he would not say anything of consequence, but after much pain, he finally began to explain. I later found out that this man had been a religious leader on Earth. He had actually been a sub-bishop for Papa Voice. Then one day he had chosen to, quite surprisingly, steal money from Papa Voice's offerings. Then, later, I believe he had had some sexual improprieties with a small multitude of some of Papa Voice's weaker followers. Somehow, he had chosen to fall. And now, he stood before me winking on and off with reflected light.
I picked him up and gently tossed him into my massive mouth. When I did, the strangest feeling came over me. The feeling told me that I had the ability to move; not from one place to another, but rather, simply, from hell. It was not a constant feeling though. Sometimes the feeling would exist and other times it wouldn't. I later deduced that I only had this feeling for those brief instants when the man's body winked within me.
And so, I sat wondering what to do.
Later, when the man passed from me, unlike everyone else I had consumed, he had not changed into a Damned. He stood, shaking and silent, and as before continued to occasionally wink with reflected light. I also noticed that I no longer felt that I had the ability to move from hell. Apparently, the ability that this man could offer me only worked when he resided within me. So, I looked at the man who was now feeling pure horror, picked him up once again and began to stare into his eyes.
I was quite large at this time. I personally had consumed perhaps ten million souls. If my math is right, this means that I was probably about nine hundred feet tall at the time. My head alone was perhaps one hundred twenty feet tall. Anyway, I sat there on my throne dangling this six foot tall man in front of my thirty foot tall nose and stared at him with my two bright yellow twenty-two foot tall eyes. I enjoyed watching his fear in closer detail.
"I believe that you are special." I said to him.
The man began to weep uncontrollably, which of course made the entire experience all the more enjoyable for myself. And so I smiled and happily tossed the man into my wide, gaping, thirty-five foot tall jaws.
The feelings of being able to move from hell once again came to me and I smiled the largest smile I had perhaps ever smiled in this world.
Unfortunately for the blinker, the man within me, his power only helps me when he is within me. Therefore, he is within me always.
I changed my shape into that of a normal human male. I then waited for the impulse to once again come to me, and then I took advantage of it. I left hell. As I passed from my dimension, I found myself standing on a road next to a large structure which I later learned was a castle. I had returned to Earth.
I felt the pebbles beneath my feet. I felt the wind in my hair. I heard the birds and the wind as they sang together. Then, off to the side of the road, I saw grass and trees. I immediately walked to the side of the road, sat down and began to enjoy the cool freshness of it. I lay on the grass with one hand rested against the bumpy delight of a tree and the other grasping a handful of grass. I lay there for hours perhaps staring up at the sky and enjoying the blue and white. I felt as though I had escaped from a nightmare.
And then again, as before, from time to time, I felt this same impulse. I felt that I had the ability to leave this place. I ignored it though and continued to rest and to soak up the color, sound, warmth, and light.
As I lay there, I heard a voice. Someone was speaking to me. I was somewhat surprised at it. As a rule, people didn't speak to me much anymore. Everyone was so afraid of me in hell, they usually just ran when they saw me. Here, though, someone was speaking to me. And so I sat up and looked. I still remember his exact words. Today, thinking about them, they're quite humorous when you take everything into consideration.
"Sir, you are naked, and it is quite inappropriate if you ask me." he said.
I was being scolded. I, Asmodeus, the Ruler of Hell, was being scolded by a farmer.
And so I stood and walked up to the man. I had so many options, I had no idea what to do. Do I kill him? Do I consume him? Do I burn him to ashes? Do I entrance him and force him to eat his own donkey? And so, for the sake of variety, I chose the option that I usually don't choose. I apologized. It was quite amusing.
"Oh sir, I am so sorry. I was attacked by an evil old man who disapproved of me. He took everything away from me." I said.
"Even your clothes?" he asked.
I then thought to myself. When I had lived here millennia ago, I did not use clothes. No one did. They hadn't been invented yet; there hadn't been the need. And so I thought for a second.
"Yeah, sure." I said, not knowing what else to say.
"Oh, you poor man. Here, let me help you." he said.
The man walked to the back of his wagon and pulled out an old set of clothing and gave them to me.
"Well, what about food? Are you hungry?" the man asked me.
It was such a humorous question. Was I hungry? How could I explain to this man that I personally had consumed over ten million souls and now weighed approximately three hundred and fifty thousand tons because of it.
"Yeah, sure." I said, not knowing what else to say.
And so the man opened a basket that he had at his waist and gave to me a sandwich and an apple.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could help you more, but I have nothing left to spare. Papa Voice be with you!" said the farmer as he walked away from me.
It was such a humorous moment to me. I just remember standing there for quite some time watching the man as he walked away down the road. I was impressed by his charity and I was impressed by the simple elegance of being civil. I was entertained.
It took me a while, but I did finally figure out how to put on the clothes. Then I ate the food. It was a good sandwich. Chicken, I think.