Asmireen
©2024 by Jonathan Scott
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Chapter 6 - My Struggle - 2
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I believe that I have made a mistake. I apologize. It is important to me to be accurate in this writing and therefore, I must tell you of my error. Unlike Papa Voice, I do make mistakes. Also unlike Papa Voice, my position does not limit me to perfection; I am allowed to explore many other alternatives. Most of the time this freedom is quite enjoyable, but, at this moment, I find it a little embarrassing.
In the first chapter of this book, I mentioned that I could not think of any advantages that I had over the others here. Since I have been writing this though, I have discovered one. Very simply, I'd been here for a very long time before any of the lights or other darks had come. I knew my world and how it worked. Fortunately for myself, my first and second consumptions didn't. They weren't aware of the new strengths and resiliencies of their own bodies.
This is what I knew, that they did not. No one dies here. No one ever dies here. I had lived for millennia before the first lights or darks other than myself came, therefore, I knew that there was no death from old age. I had also never eaten anything until my first consumption. Therefore, I knew that there was no death from starvation. I had never even seen any water until the lights began to create their world, therefore no dehydration. When I first arrived, I had fallen from thousands of feet above the surface. I did experience pain as I shattered on the ground below, but within minutes, I had reassembled perfectly. Therefore, I was able to assume that any type of physical damage was regeneratable. We're immortal here. All of us. I knew it, and my first consumptions didn't. This was my advantage.
Please forgive me for another thing as well. I think I have used two terms with which you are probably not familiar. We use the word "light" for those who are unavailable to us. They are like the two who first moved into the green circle that now has grown and become the beautiful paradise that mocks us and our chaos. And, of course, I and the others like me are the "darks."
From here I would like to talk about the act of consumption. It has been said that "Hunters welcome hardship while the hunted flee to ease." This is perhaps the most important concept to understand about life here. Pain here is unavoidable. Those who run from it, are consumed, while those who are unafraid of the pain, consume. I have never seen a dark here that did not fit one of these two descriptions.
We consume each other here. It is how we grow, become strong, and defend ourselves. Had I not consumed, I myself would have been eventually consumed. Of these two choices, I prefer to consume.
The day of my first consumption was quite a regrettable one. If I had known the consequences I was going to be forced to endure due to my consumptions, I might have done things differently. Unfortunately, I didn't know better. Please let me explain.
The two darks that I mentioned in the previous chapter had just returned to the green circle where I had been sitting. I had been listening to their ugly chatter for the days that it took them to arrive. They had no shame. None whatsoever. Their words felt like tiny pricks that slowly entered and buried themselves deep within me. Each word stung. It wasn't just that their vocabulary was ugly, it was that they themselves were ugly.
Before they had come, my world was beautiful, in it's own way. It was serene. The monotony of it would drive most insane, but for me, I found that I was able to adapt to it quite harmoniously. When the lights came, they also blended with it with their own sort of harmony as well. Therefore, even though they shunned me, I eventually welcomed them. The darks though only blended harmoniously with each other, and their harmony shattered mine. I could not welcome them.
I had been thinking about this, the murder of another, for a very long time. I knew that any type of physical damage to them would in the end be nothing. We're all immortal. If a twenty-thousand foot plummet could not kill them, certainly nothing I myself could do to them would be of any avail. I did though conceive that consumption might be a possibility. After all, bodies here can break and rip and regenerate almost immediately, therefore, whatever damage I would suffer from swallowing another would eventually heal. Also, if an entire being were within me, which argument would the laws of physics and biology here support? Would the laws of physics declare that the being inside of me remained a being and would therefore stay whole inside of me? Or, would the laws of physics declare that the body had become part of me, and therefore allow me to assimilate it? I did not know, therefore I knew that consuming another could possibly be a means of dispatching unwanted neighbors.
So that's what I did. I waited for them to get close. And once they were, I jumped on the nearest one and began to force my mouth to stretch over his head. I broke my own jaw opening my mouth wide enough to swallow the first dark that I had met in this world. Perhaps, this is why some have come to call me "the serpent." I can only assume that I looked something like a very ambitious python. The process took me hours. The pain was incredible. There was the pain of my body as it broke and ripped as the dark passed through me. There was the pain that the being inside of me inflicted. There was also the pain that the other dark gave me as he punched, kicked, bit and tore at me. I didn't care.
You must understand something. In the previous world, pain is important. Pain tells you when you are in trouble. Pain lets you know that you need something. Pain can't save your life there. Everyone there dies. But, it can certainly extend your life. Therefore, pain, in the previous world, is handy. Here though, no one needs anything. We're all fine. In this world, pain is obsolete. Therefore, I made the decision to not care about it. In fact, I made the decision to experience as much of it as I could. Like a person who hears too much sound, going deaf as a result and therefore no longer hearing anything, I hoped that by experiencing too much pain, that I would become deaf to it and therefore permanently free myself of it's cumbersome noise.
I endured every last drop of agony. And when I was done, I stood taller than I had before. My hopes had been half correct.
I don't much like to talk about this next part, I don't like to be ugly, but for the sake of science let me just say this. The dark passed through me. And when it left me, it was nothing like it had been before. As in the previous world, when food is consumed, the portions of it that a body desires remain, and the rest is discarded. It's the same here. What remained of the dark was alive, although it seemed to have been relieved of all portions of it that it would have preferred to keep. I though became larger and stronger. I kept its strength. I kept its wisdom and intelligence. I kept its wit and cunning. I kept its power. All that remained of the dark was a twisted dark lump of writhing flesh. Apparently, it was allowed to keep its pain, sorrow, agony, guilt, and hunger. I felt pity for it. But, not much. This is hell after all, isn't it?
I stood. I could still feel the pain. I knew it would pass. And I didn't much care anyway. I looked at the remaining dark who stared up at me in horror. He had been so proud. He had spoken with such disregard for everything. Now he stood, staring at me. He was exactly as I wanted him to be, silent and afraid. I began to laugh. It was just so humorous to me to see this man so overwhelmed with horror. Had he been more brave or more intelligent, he would have attacked me right then and there. Had he done so successfully, he probably would be the one writing this book and not me. But he didn't. He let his emotions control him, and to me, this was funny.
The dark ran.
It was then that I saw the two lights staring at me from within the circle. They didn't at all try to hide the fact that they were staring at me this time. Neither looked sad. Neither was crying. They stood there looking as justified as granite. It was then that my hatred for them became secure. I was happy to hate them. I approached the force and smiled. It was an evil smile. "Hunters welcome hardship while the hunted flee to ease." I welcomed their disapproval with open arms. My life was out here, not in there with them. This thing that they thought was evil was simply what I needed to do to survive. If I hadn't done it, someone else later on would have instead consumed me. I would have turned out to be just like the spiritual excrement that cowered beneath me. I have no apologies.
I now stood over the heads of the lights as well. This made me all the more interested in chasing down the remaining dark. The lights would live in beauty and harmony, but then again, I would live in strength. I cynically and irreverently waved good-bye to the foolish lights and began to pound after my new prey. I was happy.
I was larger. My strides were longer. I quickly passed my prey and began to run circles around it. I bellowed out roars and threats at him. I loved its sheer fear. It fell to the ground begging for its immortality. I had now fully accepted my new place in the cosmos, and it wasn't going to be as excrement. I would be an eternal master. I pounced on the dark and added half of its soul to my own.
"Conservation of Spirit." This is a term I coined. It is something similar to the term "Conservation of Momentum" used in physics. "Conservation of Momentum" states that when two objects collide, you can simply multiply the mass and velocity of each of the objects and then add these two numbers together. Then, in order to find the new velocities of the two objects after the collision, simply divide half of this sum by the mass of the object in question. The result will be the new velocity of the object, but in the opposite direction. There is actually more to it than this, but it is simply enough to know that neither mass nor velocity actually disappears in a collision. It may change forms or move to another object, but, it never disappears. It is conserved.
With "Conservation of Spirit" though, simply, it means that within any individual there is a soul, and if this soul is consumed, a portion of the soul leaves the consumed and moves to the consumer. The partaker of the soul's own soul increases. Therefore, I became stronger, while the darks became living, immortal excrement. Like with "Conservation of Momentum", the actual amount of soul did not decrease, the portion that left the consumed simply moved to another object, the consumer.
I returned to the green circle to resume my peace with the moaning remains of my second consumption. It was then that I realized that my acts of consumption would bring me consequences that I would have wished to avoid.
The lights had begun to build a fence. It was a tall fence, and I knew that they would continue to build it until I could no longer see their beauty. They could not tolerate even the sight of my evil.
I studied the fence and walked about it intensely. I stared at the lights that were building it. From time to time, they looked at me, and in return, I would glare even more intensely. I tried my best, through my intimidation, to shake their souls. But instead, they shook mine. As I approached one section of the fence, I saw a sign that one of the lights had left for me to read. It said this:
You cannot live in Heaven, because wherever you live Heaven cannot be. Because you are not serene, a place of serenity cannot exist around you. Because you are not peaceful, a place of peace cannot exist around you. Because you are not giving, loving or pure, a place of giving, loving or purity cannot exist around you. You live in hell because that is what you create. Heaven could not be Heaven were you here, therefore, so that a Heaven may exist, you are not here.
I stood there staring at the sign that declared my final and eternal fate. Perhaps I should have felt sad, or even felt some remorse for current or past evils. I didn't though. The sign itself seemed to cure me of something. I believe it cured me of my hope. After I saw the sign, I knew that my future would never be heavenly.
I looked down at the two lumps of wretchedness that quivered beneath me. They were all I had in this world now. I didn't know what to do, but something inside of me vaguely believed that something was better than nothing. So, I picked up the beings that I chose to call the Damned, placed one under each of my now hugely muscular arms and walked back to the entry to begin the creation of my kingdom.